He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
