so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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