is your mom at the bar?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
