love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
