Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
