I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
