I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
