She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
