I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
