Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
