I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
