..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
