Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
