turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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