Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
