:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
