Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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