I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
