this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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