so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
