I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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