just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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