the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
