apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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