Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
