I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
