K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
