You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
