she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We got so high we made milksteak
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
