i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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