I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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