So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
