He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I look better un-naked...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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