i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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