Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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