I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
