She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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