Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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