apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
