At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
