YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
