there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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