its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
