So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize