Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
