sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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