True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
