you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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