They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i believe in u and ur pee
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
