I understand Curling. That high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
