i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
