Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
