I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
