No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
