I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
