Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
40s are totally the cure
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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