Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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