I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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