he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
