my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
