we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
