its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I AM VODKA MAN
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
