Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
