have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
