Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
